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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28842252">Blue Hope</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kyunesphere/pseuds/Kyunesphere'>Kyunesphere</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Purple Stories [5]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Monsta X (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst and Feels, Character Study, Idiots in Love, Jealousy, Lovers Fight, M/M, adultery?, i guess?</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 03:25:22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,795</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28842252</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kyunesphere/pseuds/Kyunesphere</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“What happened? What is it with you? Why are you acting like this?” Changkyun asks hurriedly with an alarmed tone.</p><p>Kihyun's eyes focus on Changkyun like the words grounded him somehow. He looks at the younger and lets out an unbelieving laugh that dies on his lips in milliseconds.</p><p>“This happened.” Kihyun says with a sudden angry that settles in his voice and grabs Changkyun’s left hand, holding it in the air between them. The ring around his left ring finger flicks a glow when a scary lightning lights up the air. Changkyun looks at the silver that feels like a chain, tying his wrists and legs down without his will. He drops his look away. His stomach tightens, an awful guilt fills his chest.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Im Changkyun | I.M/Yoo Kihyun</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Purple Stories [5]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2149899</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>145</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Blue Hope</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hello hi!!!<br/>I hope you're all well!!<br/>this popped up out of nowhere lmao<br/>I saw a couple fight on some movie and well rest is this... expect heavy angst I think<br/>It's much intense than my usual lovers quarrel scenes so I hope you'll enjoy it!!!<br/>Tell me what you think if you read</p><p>See you at the end!!!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>‘Meet me under the lonely bridge</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I’ll be waiting’</em>
</p><p>Changkyun grabs his car keys and an umbrella, he lies about his reason for leaving the house in this horrible weather. <em>‘Something about work, I forgot a flash drive that I need for Monday presentation. I’ll be back before evening.’</em></p><p>Twenty minutes later Changkyun stops the engine of his car when it’s near the old stone bridge. There's no one around because nobody use this road anymore since they did a shorter asphalt road to town. There's no one is a poor way to express the moment because there's someone present actually. Changkyun can see the Mercedes parked under it and a familiar silhouette pacing but it’s hard to distinguish his features because it rains like somebody put a hole in the sky or someone keeps pouring water with buckets after buckets. Changkyun takes a breath before he gets out of his car, wrapping his jacket around himself more and he opens the black umbrella above his head but he can’t get escape from getting wet a little. He runs under the bridge and closes the umbrella when he’s at somewhere raindrops can’t reach.</p><p>The guy wraps his hands around Changkyun tight immediately, Changkyun startles at first before he returns the hug. The older smells sandalwood cedar mixed with the earthly scent brought by rain. Kihyun’s clothes are soaking wet so Changkyun’s clothes get wet too.</p><p>“Did you forget grabbing an umbrella before you go out?" Changkyun asks, brushing the wet black hair strands softly when the other one retreats.</p><p>“I don’t know. I wasn’t thinking when I left the house.” Kihyun replies, moving his hands up and down on Changkyun’s shoulders absent-mindedly.</p><p>The older one looks like he’s not on the same earth with Changkyun. His eyes are unfocused, his hold is firmer than ever. He seems confused and panicked and just a little bit of doubt starts to squirm in the younger one’s belly. Last night he was pretty drunk, seems like he didn’t sober up enough.</p><p>“What happened? What is it with you? Why are you acting like this?” Changkyun asks hurriedly with an alarmed tone.</p><p>Kihyun's eyes focus on Changkyun like the words grounded him somehow. He looks at the younger and lets out an unbelieving laugh that dies on his lips in milliseconds.</p><p>“This happened.” Kihyun says with a sudden angry that settles in his voice and grabs Changkyun’s left hand, holding it in the air between them. The ring around his left ring finger flicks a glow when a scary lightning lights up the air. Changkyun looks at the silver that feels like a painful chain more than a representation of happiness, tying his wrists and legs down without his will. He drops his look away. His stomach tightens, an awful guilt fills his chest.</p><p>Changkyun frees his hand from Kihyun’s hold and hides it behind his back like if he doesn’t see then it won’t be real. He takes a step back, or more accurately tries to take a step back but Kihyun doesn’t let him. Changkyun lifts his gaze up to the elder when he hears a chocked sob.</p><p>“I can’t Changkyun.” Kihyun shakes his head with a pitiful look. The anger on his face twists with sadness. Raindrops slide down from his hair to his face, mixing with tears. Changkyun saw Kihyun crying many times. He cried when they had sex for the first time, he cried when they watched avengers endgame, he cried when he opened up about how his father used to told him that he’s a failure, he cried when Changkyun first told him he loved him but never… he never cried this bad like his whole world is crumbling down around him without the hope of fixing it.</p><p>Changkyun’s chest heaves. His heart feels like everytime it beats, it hits a thorn wall so it bleeds, hurting so much.</p><p>“Hyung you know I had no choice. There’s no other way.” Changkyun replies, his lips trembling. His eyes sting, they burn too much and seeing Kihyun hurt like this, fill them with tears much more quickly.</p><p>“No, there must be.” Kihyun says in denial, squeezing his shoulders to solidify his words.</p><p>Changkyun wants to believe. Kihyun is always too clever, he comes up with bunch of useful ideas and solutions to various problems. That’s why he’s the second most trusted man in his father’s company. Changkyun is sure he can find a solution to everything but this is beyond his limits. He knows it’s helpless, there’s no way because somethings in life, no matter what you do, you can’t control them. Even when they involve you.</p><p> “You knew this was going to happen.” Changkyun says quietly. “When my father first introduced Jung Soo to us. You were there and my dad asked your opinion because he trusts you the most in this world. You said he would knew better, he’s the president of the company after all and guess what? This is how he knew better hyung. You knew it was gonna lead to this. You knew this was gonna happen so what’s changed now?”</p><p>“I… I didn’t think it would go this far.” Kihyun denies plaintively. “I thought it was just another guy your father randomly brought to you. I thought he was a person who’d leave eventually.”</p><p>“Apperantly he was not.” Changkyun sighs, breaking Kihyun’s hold as he takes a step back. “Jung Soo is not a bad person hyung. He’s nice. He’s—“</p><p>“What? Just because you’re engaged to him you like him now?” Kihyun stares at him in utter shock.</p><p>“What?” Changkyun asks him.</p><p>The change in Kihyun’s face from confused to terror, scares him. “Do you like him now?”</p><p>Changkyun’s eyebrows are pulled together. “What are you talking about?”</p><p>“Is it because he kissed you at the party?” Kihyun snarls. “Was that kiss something so incredible? Did you like it when he kissed you after saying all that sugary words when he put that ring on your finger? Did you enjoy it? Was his lips soft? Did you feel goosebumps? Was he better than <em>me</em>? Come on tell me!”</p><p>Changkyun looks at him mouth hanging open. He drops his umbrella to the ground, taking a daring step to Kihyun. He’s shaking with anger. How can Kihyun think something so stupid? How can he think Changkyun is enjoying this forced engagement he has to go through because that’s what he has to do as a good son? Kihyun knows. Kihyun knows better than anyone else. He knows how much Changkyun loves him, how much he’s ready to throw everything away to be together.</p><p>“How dare you ask me something like this when you know damn well I don’t feel a single thing for him?” Changkyun sneers, losing the last of his patience. “What about you hyung?” He says pushing Kihyun back from his shoulders. “Didn’t you go back home with your girlfriend in your arms yesterday after the party? Didn’t you kiss her this morning right before you leave your house? Didn’t you touch her?” He questions angrily. “How do you think I feel when you go back to her every single time? Our moments, you know our stolen moments keep me going. I hold onto the hope that maybe we can be together one day with every single will I’ve got but you dare to question my loyalty to you? Over a kiss which I hated so much? Please tell me, what about you hyung? Do you hate your girlfriend’s kisses as much as I do? Do you throw up everytime she touch you? No, you don’t.” Changkyun says, shaking his head. “Don’t you think I don’t wallow in misery every time I have to send you back to her? Even yesterday, at my fucking engagement party she talked on and on about how much she wanted you to think serious with her hyung, she said she wants to have kids with you. Do you know how fucking hard it was for me to listen her? Give her advice? It was me who had to put up with everything like this until now but you’re asking me if I enjoyed something meaningless?”</p><p>Changkyun sighs, turning back from Kihyun and presses his palms into his eyes. He always tries to avoid thinking what Kihyun might be doing when he’s not around because he trusts him. He knows that Kihyun loves him more than anything but Changkyun is not stupid. Because no matter how much he tries to bury it, he also knows deep down that they are living on borrowed time. What they have will never be real yet he feels it too passionately. It eats him alive. He never talk about this because saying his thoughts out loud, pains him so much. The facts aren’t good. They hurt and Changkyun sees that. He can see the pained expression cracking on Kihyun’s face. But Changkyun has to make him see. He has to make Kihyun understand that he hurt Changkyun long before.</p><p>“You know I don’t care about her.” Kihyun holds his arm, turning him around with a furious look in his eyes. “I don’t give a shit about her! She’s just a show for other people. If I could I’d—“</p><p>“You’d break up with her. Yeah hyung we both know you <em>won’t</em>.” Changkyun cuts him off, freeing his arm. “We’re together for 3 years but you didn’t tell anyone, not a single person that you’re with me let alone you’re gay.” He says, looking at the older one with sad eyes. His resentment is laying naked in his voice, open, bare.</p><p>Kihyun looks away, swallowing hardly. “Not everyone’s family is accepting like yours Kyun. You know I would tell them if I could.” His eyes are full of such anguish and it’s ripping Changkyun to pieces. The very idea that he could ever hurt him makes his insides roil and his heart twist painfully.</p><p>Changkyun sighs, wiping his face with his hands and trying to calm himself down.</p><p> “You were there hyung. Yesterday you were there at that hell like party. You’ve smiled and congratulated me for this engagement.” Changkyun holds his left hand up, shoving his stupid ring to other one’s sight.</p><p>Kihyun looks at the silver band before he throws the younger a hurt look. “Do you know how hard it was for me to smile?” He says in whisper, rain drowns his voice. “Do you know how hard it was for me to hold myself not to jump on that asshole in the middle of his stupid speech while he talked how he’s happy that he’s getting engaged with you? How lucky he is? How he anticipates the damn wedding? I wanted to break every single bone in his damn body. Do you know how much I’ve drank to get through last night?” Kihyun says, grabbing Changkyun’s shoulders firmly. “<em>You don’t</em>.” He replies his own questions truthfully.</p><p>Changkyun looks at him, looks inside his eyes and the hurt that settled in those pretty, brown orbits breaks him. “What do you want me to do?” He asks placatingly.</p><p> “I thought I’d be okay.” Kihyun says, shaking his head frantically. He slides his hands up to Changkyun’s face and hold it between his palms delicately like he is the most precious jewel in the world. “I thought I’d be okay because I know your heart belongs to me. I thought I could bear if you’d be with someone else because I know it is me who you love. You could do anything with anyone but… I can’t. I just can’t.” He says, looking into Changkyun’s eyes brokenly and Changkyun is sure that gaze is gonna haunt him for a long time. “I wanted to kill him when he kissed you.” He brushes his thumb on Changkyun’s lips. “They’re mine Changkyun.” He presses his lips on Changkyun’s like he wants to show he means it. “You’re mine.”</p><p>Changkyun holds Kihyun’s wrists with his hands, brushing on his skin with his thumbs. He sighs, closing his eyes for a moment.</p><p>“I don’t want this.” Kihyun whispers, leaning his forehead to younger’s, his breath warm on Changkyun’s lips.</p><p>The younger opens his eyes, searching Kihyun’s face.</p><p>“Do you want me to break up with him?” Changkyun asks but it’s futile to ask that question because he already knows the answer regardless of the older one’s reply. “I can’t… You know I can’t.”</p><p>Kihyun looks at him, his lips twitch before he presses them on Changkyun’s softly. He places small pecks that taste salt. Changkyun notices they’re both crying.</p><p>“You can. You can Changkyun please. I can’t bear this.” Kihyun says, sobbing. He keeps kissing Changkyun’s lips, his kisses turning more desperate and desperate. Changkyun clings to his soaked black coat while he kisses him back. His back hits to wall at some point. Their lips move so naturally and familiar. Changkyun’s stomach lights up like a switch is flipped in him if it makes sense, he feels the nervousness poking his ribs dissolve… until Kihyun breaks away, leaving his lips cold.</p><p>Kihyun retreats a little, looking at the other one with so much emotion swimming in his eyes. Changkyun holds his gaze on him but he is afraid to drown.</p><p>“You know he can’t give you anything. He can’t give you anything and he can’t have anything from you. He can’t have this Changkyun.” Kihyun presses his palm on Changkyun’s chest. “This is mine.” He says and Changkyun’s heart warms up under his touch, skipping beats like it’s screaming at him, agreeing with it’s sole being. “I love you. I love you so much. I love you more than anyone can and anyone will.” Kihyun says with a broken voice.</p><p>Changkyun sniffs, nodding his head. “I know.” He replies. “I know.”</p><p>He knows. He knows how much he means to Kihyun because Kihyun means to him thousands of times more. And Kihyun knows it too.</p><p>Kihyun hugs him, pressing his face to Changkyun’s neck. Changkyun wraps his hands around the older one’s shoulders, grasping his shirt. He takes deep breaths as he listen rain falling heavy while trying to prepare himself to mutter words he’s about to say.</p><p>“Hyung…” Changkyun says and Kihyun looks at him, blinking his tears. “You know hyung.” He says and flashes a pained smile. Kihyun shakes his head in denial. “You can’t break up with her, you can’t betray my dad and break his trust. I can’t go against my dad’s will. You can't let your father hate you. I don't want to resent you but I'm in pain hyung, please... it hurts. Please understand. There’s only one thing we can do.” Changkyun swallows, words roll out of his tongue like spiked balls. Hurting and hurting more as they gain sounds. “We can’t keep up with this hyung. There’s no way this will end in our favor. Somebody is gonna get hurt. You know that.” Changkyun says, his heart is breaking in millions of pieces.</p><p>Kihyun looks at him eyes wide, shaking his head. “No, no I can’t accept that. We can change this.” He says, a meaningless courage is glimmering inside his weak words. “I will find a way.” He presses his forehead to other one’s. He breathes out, the air mixing with Changkyun’s breathe. “I won’t let you be unhappy anymore. I won't let you suffer Changkyun. I will fix everything.” He promises. “Please don't throw this away. Please. Please believe in us.”</p><p>Changkyun sighs slowly. He doesn't know. Kihyun is real, what they have is real in their own small world but can they bring it to the world they are living. Changkyun doesn't think so. He doesn't think yet he hopes because Kihyun told him to believe in them and  whether it seems foolish or ridiculous... if there's anything Changkyun believes in this world, it's them. But will it be enough?</p><p>Changkyun looks away for a moment, watching rain pound harshly against the ground. Something slips in his mind then. He thinks he remembers something old. Once he heard that the promises made when it’s raining always come true because there’s something raw in the water, capturing people’s dearest wishes and make them happen in the truest way.</p><p>No actually, he didn’t hear such a thing but from now on he’s gonna believe he did and live with the hope of this new belief will become real one day.</p><p>Hope.</p><p>Hope is desperate people’s way to fool themselves.</p><p>Changkyun knows.</p><p>Yet he allows himself to hope.</p><p>Because when Changkyun looks at his lover, seeing how hope blinks faintly when he nods small as he replies “Okay.”, nothing else matters. He is and always will be Kihyun's. No matter how much it hurts him.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you for reading!! Please leave a comment!!<br/>soooooooooooooooooooooooo what do you think?</p><p>Stay safe!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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